Top Hat Exclusive: A conversation with author Laura Munson

Laura Munson on horseback in Montana

I met Laura Munson, the author of This is Not The Story You Think It Is… in person at the 2010 Humanities Montana Festival of the Book this last October in Missoula, Montana.  We carried a brief exchange previously on her blog, These Here Hills (also a WordPress blog).

We chatted about many things at the book festival, but a conversation about our fathers that began on her blog carried over as the focal point.  We both shared stories of fathers we loved and admired; men who were inspirational and influential to us, and had passed in recent years — her Dad passing in 2004, and my Dad passing just this last August, which you can read about at this post.

Laura read the post on my father’s passing before we met in Montana, and expressed a strong reaction to it.  Through our conversations, she brought up a good point — and we both concluded — that our fathers are part of a disappearing generation of authentic gentlemen.

The book festival was a crazy time, and we both had our agendas to fulfill and various folks to speak to over the two days we had there…but I knew at some point I’d want to follow up with Laura and our conversation.

Following the book festival, I read her book cover-to-cover over the span of a couple days during a brief stint of down time.  It was a helpful and inspirational read as I worked through a difficult time of my own, trying to put the horrors of my father’s passing from the previous summer behind me.  Her book helped to provide some context.

Then I had an idea…this is about the time where everyone runs for cover.

I proposed the idea of an interview to Laura.  Now you must understand that she’s been on Good Morning America with George Stephanopoulos, appeared several times on NPR, and that her book has been the focus of interviews by several other very credible sources, many of which are cited at the end of this post.  In an email, Laura expressed praise for her publicist — and with that sort of exposure, I agree that she must have a stellar one.

I told her I probably carry very little in the way of gravitas for her, and I’m certainly not an interviewer by trade…but thought that an interview framed for the blogosphere might be worth considering.  However if we had not met and spent that time chatting, I wouldn’t have asked.

Actually, interviewing authors is my SIXTH job.

Not really.

While I might be a rookie at this, and while it’s a bit out of my comfort zone, I hope I was able to peel back some layers and add to the accumulation of interest in her book that’s already out there.  Laura has a list of questions on the FAQ page of her website that she’s already fielded, which I’m assuming are based on the typical Q&A that’s been thrown at her already…and they don’t really represent what you would call a game of softball.

I needed to ask questions that were insightful, interesting, varied, and somewhat original from what I’d already seen.  It was a little intimidating…hopefully I managed to get a decent collection together.

Laura kindly obliged to answer the following 10 questions…so without further adieu, I give you my email-based conversation with Laura Munson, the author of This is Not The Story You Think It Is…

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Hello Laura, thanks for taking the time today…let’s dive into it here.

From what I can see, your father was — and remains — a great inspiration, role model, and source of strength for you.  In my opinion, if a reader doesn’t laugh or cry through your chapter about him, they probably don’t have a pulse.  Can you elaborate on the way you channel those parts of him that are meaningful to you since the time of his passing?

If there is a way in which I channel my father, it’s in knowing and living into the truth that people are the same everywhere whether you’re at a country club outside a big city, or in a trailer park in rural America.  I find myself standing at the sink devouring an orange the way he did, and coughing the same way he did and humming tunes the way he did—the first line in words, the rest a-hum.  When people say that my father is watching down on me or that he’s in me…I really feel that is true.  He feels easily accessible to me.  I talk to him.  I still miss him like crazy.  But his presence feels very real to me.

This question is a bit hypothetical, but try to project on it if you can…with the added context that you came into the world when your father was a middle–aged man.  How do you feel this story may have played out differently if you and your husband had married and had children later in life?

I try not to think hypothetically.  I try to stay in the present moment.  That’s where the freedom lies, in my opinion.

You cite a stack of guidance and self–help books.  Are there a couple favorites that stand out, and can you describe the sort of freight or inspiration they carried for you as you navigated through this crisis?

Pema Chodron was a strong presence during that time in my life.  She’s a Tibetan monk and you can plug her messages into any and no religion—she’s all about being with the pain of life and not translating it as something to resist, but rather just to be with it.  I have always been a seeker.  I don’t really read self-help books, but I find the words of mystics from most every religion get right to the core of things.  I especially love the poet Rumi.

You cite music in your book; there is classical music playing in the common area in one scenario, and you cite a song from Joni Mitchell’s Blue album somewhere else.  I’d be curious to know something about the role music plays in your life, and the type of role it played in your book as you worked through the difficulties you describe.

I find that a good sign of my emotional state is whether or not I’m regularly listening to music.  I try to have music on as often as possible.  Of all kinds.  It’s food for the soul.  But I can’t write with it on, unless it’s lyric-less.  During that time I found that I had to remind myself to turn music on, but since I was in such deliberate creation mode, I made a point to begin each morning with it and have it on everywhere I went—in my office, in the living room, in the kitchen radio, in my car, in my ears when I worked out.  Music heals and inspires.

Part of what I was left with at the end of this book was the portions of your life story that were not fully explored but might appear to readers as relevant.  One factor in particular involves your relationship with your mother…I felt her presence throughout the book, even if you weren’t necessarily focusing on her or elaborating on her.  How did she shape the lay of the land (or the back–story) for what happens in your book?

My mother has been a strong role model in the way of perseverance, work ethic, community mindedness, and loyalty.  She is a successful businesswoman and I learned from her example early on.  She would never be a push-over, but if she believes in something, she’s not going to give up on it easily.  I believed in my husband and I loved him.  He was in pain based on years of hard work and a failing business career and he was transferring it on to me.  That’s what my gut told me.  Relationships have ebb and flow and it seemed to me that when our loved ones are in pain, we stand by them.  You have to have rules and you can’t put up with abuse.  But it is possible to hold the space for someone you love as they go through a crisis.  I watched my parents go through hard times and I saw how they worked through things and so to that end, they were both good role models in what a long-lived/long-loved marriage can look like if you understand that crises and breakdowns happen.  They are a normal part of any relationship.

You seem like a one–person machine when it comes to bringing a community together, as you did fighting that proposed subdivision.  Navigating land use issues and government offices can be a very complicated web of smoke and mirrors for the everyday citizen.  What past experience armed you with the ability to press those buttons, pull those levers, and empower all those stakeholders to get the ball rolling?

When I went back to read at my high school recently, I was reminded by a teacher that I was voted the most idealistic person in my class.  I guess not a lot has changed.  I believe dreams can come true with hard work.  And surrender.  And powerful intention.

Based on your time spent in Tuscany, do you have a favorite Italian wine?  Or is there something else you prefer that brings home the taste of Italy?  What makes it so special?  Is there a story behind it?

I had the pleasure of living with an amazing family in Tuscany for a year and they taught me to cook and savor wine from their own gardens and vineyards.  They taught me about loving the land, sustainability, and the Slow Food Movement (which they didn’t know existed, but grew out of people just like them)–  in home grown tomatoes, figs, and Chianti.  They don’t use preservatives in their Chianti, so a fiasco goes to vinegar in a day or two.  I’ve never tasted wine quite like theirs; they treat it like food, and they never “overeat.”  I’ll never forget that first day in Italy which I describe in my book, when my host father picked a walnut from his tree, then a fig from another, cracked the walnut in one hand, pressed it into the fig, and popped it into my mouth.  Welcome to Italia!

Your book is written from your perspective as a female, wife, and mother…so assuming your male audience considers how they might navigate these waters (if the situation were reversed, and a male/husband/father was in your position), what advice you can offer to those male readers?

I hear from many men.  Crises of self are not gender specific.  The advice I give is the same, and keep in mind that I’m not a therapist:  own what you can own, and then let go of the rest.  Be responsible for your own well-being, take care of yourself, focus on the present moment and what you can create in it.  You can find abundance there.  You can’t make somebody love you, but you can love yourself and lead by example.

What’s the current status and use for the man cave?

A work in progress.  It’s on the top of our priority list. Everybody needs a “room of one’s own.”  Nature can be that room too, we’ve found.

Do you, umm, have a vegetarian version of your cassoulet recipe that you might recommend?  :>)

That’s not likely.  The core ingredient is cassoulet is meat.  Sorry, Paul.  It’s a glut of animal products.  But I’m sure there is a veggie equivalent in glut.  When you find it, let me know.

THIS JUST IN: A CASSOULET UPDATE!  Ah ha!  How ’bout this? After thumbing through a vegan cookbook, I actually DID find a vegetarian recipe for cassoulet…it’s on p.115 of The Get Healthy, Go Vegan Cookbook by Neal Barnard, MD, which came out earlier this year.  There’s also another version of vegetarian cassoulet online at epicurious.com.

So where does that leave us with this cassoulet thing?  I think Laura’s the ultimate authority on this, having mastered the “meaty Montana version” of the dish.  She’ll have to try out the vegetarian version to let us know what she thinks!

Thank you Laura for taking the time with these questions.

Thanks!  It’s an honor, Paul.

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Press the image above for a copy from Amazon, and go to Laura's website to stay current on details of her book tour!

So there we are. A big thank you to Laura Munson for her time, kindness, and willingness to work through these questions about her book, which are in reality very personal questions about her life…and not necessarily the easy parts.

It’s not every day that someone’s willing to share the inner workings of mind, marriage, and the other challenges that many of us face on a day-to-day basis.

Her endeavor to share her story and write about it to the world — as, literally, an open book — is courageous, inspirational, and heroic…but her willingness to take time and show interest with folks like myself, whom she hardly knows, speaks many volumes more.

The paperback version of her book comes out in April, and since she will be touring for it you can stay tuned and keep tabs on the details through her blog These Here Hills, where you can also engage with Laura directly to discuss various topics.  In addition, visit author Laura Munson’s website for more details about her book, and other interesting information, at LauraMunsonAuthor.com.  When you visit, be sure to sign up for her Haven Newsletter!

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In April of 2010, Laura published a memoir called “This Is Not the Story You Think It Is” published by Amy Einhorn and Putnam, the same team which published the bestselling novel “The Help.” This memoir is an international bestseller, landing on the New York Times bestseller list in its first week of publication. The short version was published in the New York Times “Modern Love”  section, the responses to which crashed the New York Times website.  “This Is Not the Story You Think It Is” has been featured and reviewed in Vanity Fair, Elle, Newsweek, Time, Ladies’ Home Journal, Redbook, Woman’s Day, The Huffington Post, Publishers Weekly, The Washington Post, and numerous other newspapers and magazines across the world. Book of the Month Club named it one of the best books of the year. It is being published in Australia, Germany, the Netherlands, the UK, China, and Taiwan. Laura went on a national book tour with numerous television and radio appearances including Good Morning America and many NPR stations.  Her work has appeared in the New York Times Modern Love column, The New York Times Magazine Lives column, O. Magazine, Woman’s Day, The Huffington Post, The Week, The Sun, Big Sky Journal and others.  While the entry point to her memoir is a marital crisis, true to its title, this is a book about empowerment; about living in the present moment, and committing to being responsible for your own happiness no matter what’s going on in your life.  She lives in northwestern Montana with her husband and children.

Author of the bestselling memoir
THIS IS NOT THE STORY YOU THINK IT IS
Website:  http://www.lauramunsonauthor.com
Blog:  THESE HERE HILLS http://www.lauramunson.wordpress.com
Twitter:  http://twitter.com/#!/lauramunson

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